Ester in Wonderland
by unknownsound
Summary: Our Alice, Ester Blanchett, falls through a rabbit hole and finds herself in the Soul Society. Being trapped in a strange world where nothing is as she knew, what's a girl to do?
1. Fallout

I just wanted to type this because, well, I dreamed it. It's really weird, I know, but bear with me; I'll make it good.

**Disclaimer**- This piece incorporates works from various artists and works that I will now list; Trinity Blood, Bleach, Alice in Wonderland, and my dreams. I do not own any of these, and hell if I can remember who does.

**Ester in Wonderland**

"Ester, where are you going? Ester!"

"Nowhere, Ms. Smith!" It had been a while since Ester had been transferred from the Vatican to the countryside of Japan. Even so, under the watchful eye of her supervisor there, Ms. Smith, she hadn't gotten to go walking yet. But finally, she had her escape. The trees blowing softly in the slight spring wind, cherry blossoms strewn across the grass, orchids growing in the shade, and the sweet, warm, rain-scented air. It was too, too beautiful. She had trudged up a hill and was about to fall down in the shade, when something caught her eye.

A white blur flew at her and scared the living sh- er, _daylights_ out of her.

'Vampire?!' she reached down at her waist …and realized that it wasn't there. 'What?! Where's my gun?!?! I need that gun!!!'

She threw her hands up as a last defense when…

"MATSUMOTO!!!!"

She cracked open her eyes to see that her 'vampire' was gone, and just a kid was in its place. He had snow white hair and looked to be only about 13, but he was wearing an odd, almost Feudal outfit. 'What?'

"Grrr… Where is that ditz? Matsumoto! Where are you?! Blast… we're going to be late! MATSUMOTO!!!!"

He ran around screaming that name and checking a pocket watch for about another minute, when he muttered 'forget it' and ran off in the direction of a large hole.

'…' Stunned, Ester couldn't do anything but sit and stare at the hole he went into. 'Maybe… rehearsing for a play?' she told herself, but not before silently tip toeing to the entrance. 'I shouldn't go in there, but what if he was a vampire? Only a vampire could move that fast! If I let him go, the Vatican will punish me for it… not to mention what Ms. Smith will do!' she thought, remembering her… _colorful_ tales of her time in the Punishment Corps. 'But still, it could be a trap…'

Mulling it over, she looked around, and not seeing anything or anyone else, decided that she would have to follow him. She crept into the hole ever so carefully… and fell down… down… down…


	2. Not a chapter

_Sorry peoples!! I have to break right now for research. I have to re-read Alice in Wonderland, because it turns out that the version I read wasn't "accurate". I'll write again before New Years, I promise. Sorry!_


	3. The Adventure Begins!

_**I'M BACK!!**__ Woo!! This feels great!! I am so sorry to have left you alone with such a tiny chapter for so long, but, something terrible happened; when I moved, someone stole my computer!! Rat bastards… Now, I didn't get a new one, but I did finally get a USB adapter. The reason it took so long was because I was broke and had to rely on mom to get it. Got to get a job… Anyway, here's the new chapter, and feel nice because you're the first of my readers who know I'm back._

**Disclaimer**- _The following piece may be largely based upon a dream I had, but it incorporates the works of Bleach, Alice in Wonderland, and Trinity Blood, none of which I own in any way, shape, or form._

**The Adventure Begins!**

As Ester fell into oblivion, her life flashed before her eyes. Not surprisingly, it was very often filled with gunfire and dead people.

'At least …this way… I'll be reunited with Sister Elizabeth…' As she accepted her fate, she closed her eyes and got ready for the final blow.

Splutch!!

xxx

In the deep darkness of wherever she was, Esters eyes finally fluttered open.

I'm…alive…?" she muttered. She tried to stand up but promptly slipped and fell back down into the warm, stifling muck. "Eeeewwww… What is this??" She looked down to try to see what she was covered in, but then she suddenly realized; she couldn't see. Completely enveloped in darkness, she literally could not see her hand in front of her face. She was all alone, standing ankle deep in muck, in pitch darkness, no weapons to defend her. She was in trouble.

'M-maybe in the sewers or something? Yeah, that's it!' Not even fooling herself, she new that not even the most desperate vampire would take to the sewers for any reason; they'd sooner stand on the Vatican's doorstep with a target on their chest. Either way there wasn't anything to gain from just standing there, so, with her hands out in front of her, she set off looking for… well, she didn't know what.

After what seemed like ages, she finally saw, on the far horizon, a pin prick of light.

'Light! I'm almost there. Just a little farther…' As she egged herself on, her cheers were interrupted by a faint noise.

"Honk!"

"What's that? Sounded like a train or something…" Already jumpy, she almost believed it, but immediately laughed it off. "A train… what was I thinking? I mean this is like a sewer or something, not like an underground railroad! Who ever heard of such a--"

"Honk!!"

There was absolutely no denying it; that was a train. And it sounded closer; much closer than last time. She slowly turned around to find the most disturbing sight yet; a large train was barreling towards, its single headlight glaring straight ahead like a monster with a one track mind. After that, all cheers stopped; she didn't need them. Being given the ultimatum of run or be run over, her strength quickly came back and she flew.

"What in the hell did I get myself into?!" she cried. She closed her eyes and urged her legs to go faster, praying to anyone who would listen for help. Not looking where she was going, her foot caught and dislodged what felt like a rod in her path. She tripped and went sailing through the air for a second time that day, landing hard on her stomach. With the train less than a 10 yards away, it would've spelled the end for her had the goo acted as a lubricant, and she slip n' slided down the hall to the light.

'C'mon, c'mon!!' she urged herself. The exit was less than 20 feet away… 15 feet… 10 feet… 5… Praying with all her being that the even closer train would spare her life, she slid down the last few feet, and…

(AN: Your face should look like this now— 00 )

Wind and light hit Ester like jumping into a cold bath; shocking and refreshing all at once. She cracked open one puffy eye to see something she couldn't imagine if she built it.

Like a scene out of a Feudal painting, clusters of large villages were inhabited by people in worn yukata, milling around doing whatever it was that ancient Japanese people did. Shops, houses, and shacks surrounded everything, including fields and streets. And in the middle, like a huge, gleaming pearl, was a completely different place. It had sky scraper upon sky scraper, and was itself inhabited by people, but they were all wearing the same uniform of a black hakama. It was all nicely fringed by miles and miles of dense forest.

"What… what is this place?!" she breathed. Then she wondered how she could see all this. That's when reality hit her like Father Abel's slap; just as shocking, not as refreshing. She looked directly down, and confirmed her worst fears; she was looking at the panorama from several stories up. "Eep…"

She immediately shut her eyes as she fell for the third time that day. Plummeting to the ground she prayed for a back-up miracle so she could survive this new deadly encounter. Alas, no amount of the ooze she was covered in could save her this time, unless it was like Flubber or something. Putting all her faith in God, and wondering why this was never mentioned in the Bible, she clasped her hands together.

"God? You know I love you, right? So, uh, little help here…?" Her prayers were answered when she smacked hard against the surface of a hot, hot lake. Stunned like a fish, she wondered if she was in hell, but was relieved when she floated to the top and did not find a valley of fire and brimstone. She did find, however, sunlight glinting off of a valley of smooth black rocks guarding an absolutely enormous house.

'Maybe I should try to leave; trains, falls, and now, boiling lakes! I'll be dead by sundown if this keeps up…' she thought morosely as she dragged herself up and out of the water, and onto an equally hot rock. 'At least' she optimized, 'the water washed my habit clean.'

She flipped over and allowed the sun to dry her off, trying to regain her strength while she was at it. She almost dozed off, had the vibrations not woken her up.

"What now?! An earthquake??" No Ester, not an earthquake; something probably worse. "Worse?!" Yes, worse. She looked up at the house, and saw a giantess making her way towards the lake. She was tall (of course), very thin, and very buxom. Her long black hair was held up in a bun, and she was wearing nothing but a towel.

'Great; I'm not going to be run over or fall to my death; I'm going to be squashed underneath a giant chick…' She tried to get away, but the smoothed down rock provided no traction and she accomplished nothing but sliding back down to the ground. Instead, she ended up running for her life underneath all the rocks. Where she was running to she had no idea.

"Don't spend too long in the bath, Asami!" a voice called from the house.

"I won't Mao-san!" she called back. As she kept plodding towards Ester, she dropped her towel on the ground covering her. When she finally kicked her way out, she only did so to witness a nude Asami canonballing into the pool.

"Father in Heaven, NO!!" she cried just as a tsunami swept her into the open air for the fourth time. Lukily, she landed on her clothse, but might as well have landed on sand, coarse as they were. As our heroine made a break for it, the giant reached over to find a rag, but, instead, got a fistful of Ester.

Now most of us would recognize a minature nun, but, in a world without Catholocism, all her brain registered was a--

"RAT!!"

She threw Ester as she found herself airbourne for the fifth time that day. This time, however, our nun wasn't so lucky, and she crashed through the flimsy paper screen, somersaulted across the faded tatami, and hit the table with the back of her head. When her vison straightend out, she saw her doom in the form of a wooden meat hammer.

"Asami, what were you thinking, kicking it in here?!" an older woman cred. She was tall and lean, with very light brown hair tied up in a bun. The one holding the hammer, she looked very high strung.

"Pipe down, before you have half the neighborhood in here." an even older woman said. She was short and had very gray hair. It said something for experience that she was the calmest one out of the three. Here she grabbed Ester and pinned her to the wooden table. Not being able to do anything else, she turned her head away, and waited for the proverbial axe to fall...

"What is going on here?!" an voice called from the front door. In walked an old man with a long beard, long white hair, and unusually bright eyes.

"We're killing vermin, that's what!! Now leave us alone!"

"Mao, you know I don't like violence anywhere in my village! Now listen to your father for once and put the hammer down!!" Reluctantly complying, she threw it to the ground, and the old guy walked over and picked her up. She didn't know who he was or where he came from, but was she ever grateful to him. "Now then, let's set the poor thing free."

"Are you insane?! Not killing it is one thing, but setting it loose is another. It's probably built a nest under here already! Drown it!!"

"Um, excuse me...?" Up until now, Ester had been silent, but now that they were discussing her future, she thought it only fair that she get a say in the matter. Wouldn't you?

"Um, I'd hate to interrupt, but, I'm not a rat."

"..."

"WHATWHATWHAT?! It talks!?" In the midst of Mao's full-fledged freakout, Old Guy picked up his glasses, and peered at her.

"What's this? It's a young girl!"

"What? A girl?! But, but...!"

"Why is she so tiny?" Asami finished for her.

"Well, why don't we ask her? I've been looking for some excitement lately."

_Well, that's all for today, folks! But don't worry, I promise to have something new up before long. I have a USB adapter, now. From now on, unless the library burns down, YOU WILL HAVE YOUR STORY!! Bye!! (Review!!)_


	4. Into the Seireitei!

_Wow, this took a long time to write! Sorry I didn't get it to you sooner; we moved (again). I know Mao is a Chinese name, but it just popped in my head. Enjoy the story!_

_**Disclaimer**__-_ _I don't Bleach. I don't own Trinity Blood. I don't own Alice in Wonderland. I do own the dream from whence this unholy cocktail came from._

**Into the Seireitei!**

Ester (still in minature) "followed" the strange group out of the building, which she now saw was a ramshackle onsen.

"Alright girl, you have our attention. Just make it quick; our customers won't wait forever." Mao snapped the moment they got where they were going. It was a hut that made the onsen look like the Taj Mahal. With a dirt entryway, termite eaten wood floors and walls, and a small pot to cook in, it made Ester really wish she had brought her wallet.

After she told her story- who she was, where she came from, and what happened earlier- her audience sat in stunned silence.

"So, um, could you tell me where I am…?" she timidly asked. The old man was the first to speak.

"Well Ester-san, as the elder of this village, I suppose it is my duty and honor to be the first to say: Welcome to the Soul Society." She knew she should be grateful and polite, but all she could manage was a blank stare.

"The Soul- say what?" she managed to get out.

"Oh, don't worry; the Soul Society is a wonderful place! It may be hard to make a living, but you never have to worry about starving or old age or –"

"That's enough, Asami." The old-timer cut in. "Excuse me, but what she means to say is, the Soul Society is a world very much unlike your own. I can tell by your story that you are special since you did not come her through the – er – _traditional_ means. Let me explain." He said, eyeing the question mark hovering above the nuns head. "To put this delicately, the Soul Society is a place exclusively for spirits."

"…spirits." Our nun didn't quite grasp what was going on, but could sense that it was possibly Earth-shattering, thus her hurried skepticism.

"I know it may be a bit much for you to believe, but we are part of the dearly departed."

"So… I fell down a hole, came into a pool, and into a village of ghosts?"

"Technically speaking, yes."

"So that means that you're-"

"Dead, kid, Dead! D-E-A-D!! Dead!!" Mao finally exploded. "Now if you're done playing 20 Questions, I'd like to go open the onsen and send Little Miss Whoeversheis on her way."

"Mao! Surely you don't mean to not only be rude to our guest and throw her out?! I taught you to heave more manners than that!"

"Yes I mean to throw her out! What is up with you and ryoka anyway? You're just lucky that the last ones actually succeeded. If they didn't what could've happened to us?! Better safe than sorry."

"Mao I can't believe what you are saying! Listen to yourself!"

While they were fighting, the older woman snuck up on a confused Ester, and poured a vial of what looked like tea on her. Then she grew… and grew… and grew. She kept growing – the others unaware- until she was normal sized… then more-than-normal sized… then Yao Ming sized… then Jolly Green Giant sized… and she finally stopped growing when she was up and out of the roof. I'm guessing that by this point and time, they were paying attention.

"Kagura! What did you do!?!"

"Mother, what the _hell_ have you been messing with?!"

"I anticipated this…" she said and simply shuffled off back to the pot and grabbed… onigiri? "Eat this."

"What are you thinking, passing out snacks at a time like this?? Do something!" Old-Guy snapped.

"Would someone just please just get me down?!" Ester finally hissed.

"Quiet and eat." She continued to pass out the onigiri. "It's shiitake." Finally, she gave one to Ester, who was too busy trying to hide under her habit to care what she was doing anymore (okay, maybe a little). Attracting a fair-sized crowd will do that to you.

"Eat." the old lady insisted again, and Ester did as she was told, suppressing a massive desire to kick her to Kingdom Come. Miraculously, it worked. She popped it into her mouth, and when she swallowed, popped back to normal size, finding herself airborne as she fell to Earth (again).

"_Never_…do that…again…" she wheezed from the cushion that she had also thought to put there.

"Alright, here's the thing…"

The duty to explain the situation was left to Mao, as Old Guy and Asami began to disperse the crowd (and tell them to forget everything they've seen).

"That thing you came down was called the senkaimon. I don't know how you did it, though, because only shinigami can use them." She tried to protest that she didn't do anything, when Mao gave her the hand. "I'm not done." She said, ignoring the nun's

'Bitch, please!' look.

"Now, thing is… we can't help you."

"What?!"

"Not only is harboring a ryoka like you illegal," she continued, "but we couldn't help you if we wanted to. They're the only ones who can regulate the coming and going of spirits through here. So… we've decided to just kill you." Mao said simply, lifting an ax.

"Wha?!?" Ester nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Mao, stop it! For the last time, we're not doing that!!" Old Guy shouted.

'They were actually considering it!!' She didn't know if that worried her more or less.

"It's more plausible than your idea! Just how is she supposed to get in, huh?! Especially now that everyone knows she's here!" she hissed, pointing a glare in the specific direction of the one named Kagura.

"What's everyone mad about? It was a minor setback."

"Minor?? She was as big as Jirobo!"

"Ji-who?"

"Jirobo is the gate-keeper in the part of town." Asami answered with a smile.

"Ah, that's right; in order for you to get into the seireitei, you have to get past him."

"See, it's impossible; she'll be crushed."

"Don't worry; he owes me." Kagura said, a strangely malevolent gleam in her eye.

"……" was all anybody could say. She took this time to pull something out of a trunk and give it to Ester.

"W-what're you into now?" a more subdued Mao said. She snatched it out of her hands and unfurled it. It was a pitch black hakama with white trim. "A shihakusho?! Mother where did you get this?!?"

"I found it." she said simply as she snatched it back from her daughter.

"What is it?"

"A shinigami uniform." Asami once again interpreted.

"Exactly! A uniform that only shinigami can have, and that it could land us in big big trouble if we're seen with!! Now where did you get it?!"

"I found it."

"… You're trying to get us all executed aren't you?" Mao said, exhausted. She just simply pointed out the window. It was sunset.

"You're going to be late. I arranged for us all to meet him about now."

"Let's go." Old Guy said. "We need to hurry. I'm sure Ester-san has a family that's missing her right now." She had a sudden pang of loneliness, but she shook it off and smiled.

"Right. Yeah…"

For their sake.

5 minutes later, everyone was out walking towards the appointed meeting place. The sky was a blood-red, a warm breeze was blowing, and the lightening bugs were starting out.

"Aaah… What a beautiful spring evening! Too bad we have to waste it. Sometimes I hate working."

"Apparently your daughter loves it; she's not even here to see our guest off." he guestured to the nun in question.

After refusing to take off her habit, she just put the suit on over it, which made a surprising fit. With her hat off, the evidence of the girl before was her white heels, white gloves, and gold neck-cuff. Other than that, she looked just like an upstart young shinigami.

"While we wait for Jirobo-san, a few more words of wisdom. In the seireitei, there are 13 shinigami taicho. Avoid all of them, if you can. But if you cannot, your best bet is with the one named Unohana. Find her, and plead your case. She's wise and kind. She's more likely to help you. However, your worst bet is with the one named Zaraki. Not only will he be of no help, he'll probably just want to fight, which is the LAST thing you want to do."

"Or will do." Mao cut in.

"Thank you." he said dryly. "That's all I can tell you. Everything else you'll have to learn from them directly. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be all right. Also, thank you for your kindness. If it hadn't been for you, I'd be helpless. I'd like to thank Asami-san too, but-"

"Here she comes now." Mao interjected.

"*huff**puff* Sorry, I'm late. *hoof* I found this." Here she held out a long white package. "It's a sword."

"A sword?! Asami, how many time have I told you; your grandmother should be a role model to no one!!"

"I found it covered in gunk in the back. They might get suspicious if you don't even have a zanpakuto, so I thought this might do."

"Thank you so much!"

"Don't mention it."

"I'm here." a deep voice rumbled. She whipped around and found out what they were talking about earlier. He was huge.

"Don't worry," Kagura smiled. "I knew you would be." He glanced down and shuddered.

"Devil woman…"

"What was that?"

Oh, nuthin'." he sweatdropped.

"Ahem, well..." Ester turned and bowed. "Thank you all for helping me. Without you, I'd be dead. I really do owe my life to you."

"Not at all; it was a pleasure." the old man waved.

"Eh heh heh…" Asami flushed.

"What're you thanking me for? If it was up to me, I would've killed you by now." Mao smiled.

"……."

"You ready?" Jirobo called.

"Yes!" Ester called back. She bowed one last time and followed. As each panel fell, she was lost in thought.

'So this is it. I'm going home. God, if you can hear me, please keep me!'

As she thought this, Jirobo got down on one knee and lifted up the door to the newly formed wall.

And with that, she walked underneath him and into the seireitei.

_Most of this story isn't what I had originally wrote. It's just that when I sit in front of I computer and start to type, I get all these new ideas that seem a lot better. I don't know. I'm thinking about posting the original version too. What do you think? Bye! (Review, please!)_


	5. Introductions

_Sorry for taking so long. I have no excuse. Anyway, been suspended for fightin' (*gasp!* I know!) so, expect this to be a daily thing until I'm allowed back. Halfway don't wanna go, but c'est la vie…_

**Disclaimer**- Don't own diddly-squat.

**Chapter 5**

Somehow, even with all the noise the gate made, Ester and Jidanbo made it in undetected. She followed him through the winding maze of houses and buildings for about 10 minutes, when he came to a stop.

"This is as far away from the gate as I can go. Do you know where you're going?" He sighed as she shook her head . "Just check on the inside of your shihakusho; the insignia symbolizes what division you're in."

She looked on the inner-chest of her robe and found a white patch with the black shadow of a lily, sharply bent where the bud met the stalk.

"Ah, 10th division. It's right over there." He pointed toward a neighborhood of the uniform white buildings with brown, wooden roofs. "You're lucky; a newbie like you, you got the intelligence division. You might want to hurry, though. It's almost lights out."

"Alright, and thank you for your guidance." She bowed. Jidanbo bowed back and they went their separate ways.

She ran and ducked behind builings on the way. When she finally got to the nearest barrack, she tried to look like she belonged.

Tried.

'Where should I go now?' she wondered. She looked around for a hint, but couldn't find any. She wandered around a bit more before coming to a bigger house with more upscale furnishings, but the same white exterior. 'I guess the boss lives here… I just hope this'll be of some help.' Before she got even one foot on the premises, a loud crash scared her to death.

"Damnit! Who puts a rock here in the street!?" a female voice slurred.

"She's done it; she's finally drunk herself out of reality." A second, male voice growled.

"Finally? Didn't she do this yesterday?" a hushed, third voice complained.

"Nah; yesterday she just blacked out."

"I did not! I'm telling you, I-I traveled through time or sumthun'!! One minute I was at the bar, the next, I was on the couch!"

"Yeah, that's because we carried you!!!"

"You did not."

"Yes, we did! Those boobs of yours add like 20 pounds; my back still hurts!"

A deafening smack accompanied this comment. She eventually saw the three hobble up to the building, one with two melon shaped lumps on his head.

"Hey! Whozzat?" Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, Ester stood tall, bowed, and tried to look natural.

"Er – uh – excuse me, but- uh – well, I-I'm new and I can't really find my back to my rooms, s-so could you help me, please?"

"Hmph, some way to address a – hic – assistant captain." she slurred, reaching for – and missing- her sword.

"Rnagiku, please. Sorry about her, she's just kidding." He comforted the violently shaking nun. "My name is Kira Izuru." He was tall and lean with blond hair swept over left eye, which had dark circles under them. "And this is Abarai Renji and Matsumoto Rangiku." The first had flaming red hair tied into a pony tail and odd tribal markings covering his body. The second was a gorgeous young woman with wavy, hazel hair and a severe amount of cleavage.

'They do look like they weigh 10 pounds each…' she sweat-dropped.

"You must be one of the new graduates. Let me show you to the women's quarters."

"Ah, no!" Matsumoto interrupted "These new recruits need to learn some – hic – discipline and self-control!" she raged.

"Yeah, you're just the picture of that." Renji scoffed.

"Damn straight! You, come with me!" She grabbed Ester by the hand and dragged her into the building.

"Rangiku, wait!"

"Ah, let her go. This way she can lug her jugs home. Ouch!" he cried as a cup ricoched off of his forehead.

Ester awoke next morning on her knees with her forehead pressed against the arm of a blue sofa.

'Hunh? Where am I…? What is this place?!' she freaked as her eyes darted around. It was another traditional Japanese room; tatami, white stone walls, and paper screen sliding doors. But it had a few changes; in the front was a big, oaken desk with stacks of rice paper and books covering the one side, a tea mug, inkstone, and a cup of ink placed on the other. In the center of the room was a Western-style rug, on top of which, the blue couch.

'This must be someone's office, but… why was I sleeping here?' She heard a flush behind her. 'Oh, yeah… I met those three people. What were they called again? "So-taicho"?'

"Hey!"

"Yes!"

"Who're you?" It was the lady from before, but looking a lot worse and carrying a pink bucket.

"Ah, Matsumoto so-taicho." She bowed. "How are you this morning?"

"Ahh, not so good, not so … Who're you again?"

"You… don't remember me, ma'am?"

Rangiku squinted for a moment, then shook her head.

"…"

"It's hopeless; she doesn't remember a thing after she blacks out." A brassy voice sniffed.

"Yes?!" she snatched her head around and faced her white rabbit. "!?"

"Ah, Shiro-chan!" Matsumoto waved.

"That's Hitsugaya-taicho to you!" he snapped. "Now, might you want to explain why none of your paperwork is done and there's a bill for 3,000 mon from the bar?!"

"Aw, c'mon Shiro-taicho; everyone needs a break!"

"You didn't have a break, you had a party!"

As they squabbled, Ester's mind threw up a warning flag.

'Wait…Hitsugaya-taicho… Where did I hear that…'

Flashback

"There are captains you can feel safe with and some you can't… Kuchki-taicho, Hitsugaya-taicho, Komamura-taicho… will most likely kill you on sight…"

End Flashback

'Oh, shit.'

"Hey!"

"Yes!!!" Ester jumped back as Rangiku's face appered in hers.

"Don't drag her into this! Matsumoto!!"

"Hey, we met last night, right?" she purred. "I wasn't drunk at all, was I?" She said the last bit with slightly more malice than intended.

"Don't make her lie for you Matsumoto; it won't work anyway. Your breath has so much alcohol on it, you could get someone drunk by talking to them."

"Wow, you should be sloshed by know!"

"Pain in the… Fine." He sighed. "Go and get washed up. But the bill is coming out of your paycheck."

"What?!"

"No buts. Maybe then you'll think before you drink. Plus, what was the point of dragging her in here?" he pointed towards Ester.

"Yeah, what was I doing?"

"Uh, well, you were going to 'show me some self-control and discipline'."

"My God, you were drunk; you actually thought you had those qualities."

"Meanie!" she gasped. "Just for that, we're going to the bath house," here she

grabbed Ester, "and not taking you!" She stuck her tongue out and marched out of the room, leaving Toshiro alone.

"Sigh… How did that woman ever become assistant captain?"

The bath house was strikingly like the one in the world of the living. Being an Italian nun, it had taken Ester a good long while to get used to being nude in front of strangers, but it happened.

'Thank God they have indoor plumbing, at least.' she thought to herself in the water.

"Aahh… Isn't this Heaven?" Rangiku sighed behind her. "By the way, you never told me your name."

"Oh, uh, my name is Ester." She inclined her head because she couldn't bow (natch).

"Ester?! That's a funny name. Well, my name is Matsumoto Rangiku, so-taicho of the 10th division. That means I'm second-in-command! The big meanie back there was Hitsgaya Toshiro-taicho; he's the 10th division boss. But you can just call him Shiro-chan!"

"No, she can't." called that familiar brassy voice. "Don't tell lies."

"Shiro-chan! What're you doing here? Come to sneak a peak?" she teased.

"Don't be crude! Momo made me come." He pointed toward the door.

"Did not! You agreed." Cried a shrill, whiny voice. From that same area ran a girl with black hair and dark eyes. "Don't say I made you, cause I didn't!"

"All right, you didn't force me!" he turned away, embarrassed.

"Are you to fighting again?" a more mature and full voice called.

"Yay, a fight! Should I tell Ken-chan?" a shrill, childish voice called.

"They're here, too?" Rangiku gasped.

"Yeah, everyone thought a bath was a great idea."

"What about the guys?"

"No one but Zaraki, and he's not a peek if that's what you're worried about." the one called Momo winked.

"I know he's not. I was just wondering if the coast was clear."

"For what?"

"Let's go outside and…" she whipped out an array of perfectly organized jars, saucer-cups, and glasses. "PARTY!!!"

"Absolutely not! Or did you forget that you're missing half your paycheck because of that stuff?!"

"Come on, captain! Loosen up! Besides, it's watered down; I'd have to drink every drop myself to get buzzed."

"Yeah, Shiro-chan! You know she'd never serve straight alcohol with Yachiru around… again…" For a minute, Ester thought she felt the air go cold.

"Ugh… Fine, do what you want."

"Gladly!! Let's go!" The cry went out, and everyone, except Ester and Toshiro, ran out to the outer-baths.

"Idiots…" he sighed, while trying to conceal a slight smile.

'I'd better go with them. I can pick up some information, probably. One step closer!' Ester thought.

Toshiro was about to leave, when he looked back.

"Are you coming… ah, what's your name?"

"It's Ester Hitsugaya-sama!" she blurted. If she was talking to someone who could (and would) kill her, she thought it best to stay on his good side.

"You don't have to call me 'sama'. Save that for the captain general. Just call me 'taicho'." He blushed, nevertheless.

"Yes, taicho." They both walked into the outer-baths.

"My, my!" They were met immediately by a giggling, blushing, and drunk Rangiku.

"Shi-ro and Es-ser sit-tin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!"

"Shut up. Or do you want the rest of your paycheck to disappear?"

"Meanie!" she drawled, and blew a raspberry.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" exclaimed Momo when she noticed Ester. "Shiro! You never introduced us!" she stamped.

"How could I? I just learned her name myself!"

"Hi! My name is Hinamori Momo, so-taicho of the 5th division." she bowed.

"Taicho, if you play your cards right." Matsumoto slurred.

"Matsumoto!!"

"Ah ha… I'm Kotetsu Isane, so-taicho of the 4th division." Possibly the eldest one there, Isane had a light gray-white complexion, and white hair buzzed into a crew cut with two long strands on one side of her face. She had kindly eyes and a slender figure, like an ash tree.

"My name is Kusaji Yachiru! Pleased to meet you!" She was perched on Isane's shoulder like a bird, and had violent bubble-gum pink hair with wide brown eyes.

"Um, my name is Ester Blanchett. It's a pleasure to meet you all!"

"So you're a new recruit? Don't worry, I'll tell Shiro-chan not to ride you too hard!" Momo winked.

"Th-thank you!" she blushed.

"Ah, don't worry about her! He won't be hard on her cause I'm taking her under my wing!"

"No, you're not!" Toshiro shot up. "We already have enough boozy shinigami without you creating another!"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean!?" someone called from over the stone wall.

"Oy… Good morning, Kyoraku-taicho." He called.

"Hey, Nanao!" Rangiku called.

"I see you've already been alerted to my presence…" she sweatdropped as she walked in.

"Nanao-chan! Lovely Nanao-chan! What part are you washing now?"

"None of your damn business!!!" she hissed as everyone sweatdropped and Toshiro walked out in disgust, at least 3 veins popping out of his head.

As the fight went on, Momo tapped her on the shoulder.

"Don't worry about them." she whispered. "It may not look like it, but they were made for each other."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep!" she smiled. "You never found a more perfect couple in the Soul Society."

'Father Nightroad…' she found herself thinking . 'Wait, why am I thinking of him?! We weren't like that!!' She shook her head and blushed.

"Oh, excuse me. I'm afraid I did not introduce myself." she bowed out of apology.

"My name is Ise Nanao, so-taicho of the 7th division. And that," she pointed to the obvios sound of someone trying to dig a peep-hole, "is my taicho, Kyoraku Shunsui."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Ester."

"Ah, Es'er! Yes, my beautiful little fledgling! Come to mama!!"

"Great, she's drunken herself into lesbianism." groaned Toshiro, coming out of the bath. "Come on Queen Boozy; we have work to do."

"Nuh-unh! I'm not going!"

"We have paperwork to file, and don't you have practice with Izuru?"

"Not moving!!" she sang.

"Gee, I hope I didn't accidentally leave the beer cabinet unlocked…"

"See you later!" she waved as she whizzed out of there.

"Knew that would get her." he muttered. "You should come, too. That way, we can place you."

"Y-yes, Hitsugaya-taicho!" She got up and ran out, but not before bowing to the girls. "Thank you for a wonderful time."

"You, too. See you!" Momo waved."

_Whew! That was long! Took me two days. Would've taken less, but I got sat next to this really fat guy at the library and I had to escape from the fat-guy smell… Thanks!__** (Review or I shall spit evil curses unto your family for generations to come!!!!)**_


	6. Lost pt 1

_Sorry, I know I said that this was going to be a daily event, but something happened. As of last Thursday, I was run over by a car, so I had to spend the weekend recuperating, then my suspension ran out, so now I have to go to school again. In other words, shit happened. _

**Disclaimer** – Seriously, if I owned Bleach or Trinity Blood, do you think I'd be doin' this? No! I'd be rollin' in my cash pile…

* * *

**Chapter 5**

With everyone else back at the baths, and Rangiku at the office searching for an imaginary liquor cabinet, Ester and Shiro were left to walk home alone.

"Hrr… that idiot! I can't believe she ran all the way home in nothing but a towel. She even left her zanpakuto! That's it; her paycheck is history!"

"Matsumoto-san… is quite a character, isn't she?"

"She's a capable fighter and professional enough to hack it, but put her in the same city as a bottle of sake and she turns into the town drunk! She's an excellent shinigami, just don't make a role model out of her."

"H-hai, taicho…" she bowed. 'Did he just insult her or compliment her?'

"Is that your zanpakuto?" He motioned to the sword at her waist.

"Er- why, yes! Yes, it is!!" she yelped. 'Oh God, what am I gonna do?? I've never even touched a sword!'

"What's its name?"

'Name?! What name?? I name it?!? I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead!!'

"Uh, um, well… I guess you could say, well, I don't know…" she admitted, mentally drawing up her will and testament.

"What?!" he whipped around.

"Y-you see, I-I get sick very easily!! Very easily! I had a fight with the flu, so I was out of it most of the time. They said I almost died, but I came back and I'm all better now!" she waved. 'God? You know I love you. Please, let this work!!"

"…I see…" he glanced away for a moment. "But how did you pass?"

"I don't know myself. All I can remember are orientation, a few classes, and graduation." she fibbed.

"Ahh… It must be that new clean slate policy. I knew it wouldn't work." he groaned as he turned around and put his hands behind his head. "But, I can't have underdeveloped shinigami on my staff. Not at a time like this…" he muttered, glancing at the spear-thingy. "I'll have to have Matsumoto train you for the time being. Maybe having a student to take care of will keep her lazy butt off the sofa and out of the bar."

"Th-thank you very much, Hitsugaya-taicho!" she cried.

"Thanks? For what? It's not like I did anything…" he blushed and huffed.

"A-actually, I thought you were going to kill me!"

"Why would I kill you over thing like that? Besides, it's not like it's your fault; you can't control when you get sick. Plus, you're frail, so that adds onto it."

'He believed it! Thank you God!!'

"I'd better get going, though. Since your skill level is that low, you'll have to remain Unseated until we can test you properly. Well, let me go. Even while drunk, Rangiku isn't stupid; she'll know that she's been tricked. I need to get back before she gets to a bar."

"But she wouldn't…! Not with just a towel!"

"I said she wasn't stupid, that doesn't mean she's lucid. She'll crawl naked if she has to…" Feuled by his fear of having his so-taicho found in the streets drunk and naked as a jaybird, he took off at super-shinigami speed!!

'That woman…' she thought, wide-eyed and slack-jawed 'is supposed to teach me to do that??'

After the initial shock wore off, she shook her head and took off as fast as her legs would carry her.

'Suddenly… I feel very slow…'

* * *

By the time she got back, Hitsugaya had already come, found Matsumoto gone, left, and subdued her before anyone saw her.

"What took so long?" a cheery Matsumoto waved. She was dressed and sober, but nursing a huge lump with an ice-pack.

"I got a little lost… Gomen…" she wheezed, having run the entire way.

"Good, you're here." Shiro had just walked in. "I have something to say to you both."

"What is it? Is it good?! Tell me!!" Rangiku jumped up and down.

'If only she knew…' our heroine sweatdropped.

"Alright, let's start with you." He gestured to Ester.

"Yes!"

"Since their 'clean slate' policy was just the disaster I thought it would be, I've chosen you, Matsumoto, to help Ester-san here get up to speed."

"YES!!!" she pumped her fist in the air as she leapt on her.

"As for you Matsumoto…" He sat down at his desk and took a sip of his tea. "For going partying in leiu of working, racking up an absolutely astronomical bar tab, getting drunk in public, and running through the streets drunk and naked, I am hereby taking your paycheck and _burning_ it."

"WHAT?!? You can't do that!! I won't train Ester if you do!"

"I thought you were excited to do it." he raised his eyebrows.

"I am… But I'll only do it on one condition!"

"That I'm your boss and you have future paychecks to think about?" he countered.

"Touche…"

"You're both dismissed." he waved.

"How could he do that?!" she later fumed, outside. Although Ester had refused, Rangiku had treated her to a lunch in celebration of their new student-teacher relationship.

"Um, I'll pay you back as soon as I can…"

"Tut, tut! Absolutely unnecessary! Besides I get my check taken all the time! But I've got money in the bank; I've been saving some for this occasion."

"Oh, okay… If you're sure…"

"Ah, ah! 'If you're sure' what?" she prompted.

"Oh! If you're sure, Matsumoto-sensei!"

"Very good! Now-" She was cut short by a foot suddenly planted in her back.

"Whose a sensei?!" a gruff, male voice called.

"Ow! What… Hisagi!!"

"Whose a sensei?!" he asked again. He was tall and muscular with the sleeves of his shihakusho torn off to expose arms decorated with tattoos. His face was bandaged across the nose, and his long face housed pierced ears, hard eyes, and was topped with a mass of short spiky hair.

"Humph! I'm the sensei and this…" here she picked the nun up by the collar. "…is my student!"

"You? A teacher??" He looked dumbfounded for a minute, and then let out a laugh.

"You're a teacher?! What, did Hitsugaya-taicho finally allow you to teach Sake 101?!" he teased, and cracked up at his own joke.

"You…!" Matsumoto fumed, her skin turning cherry-red. "I'll show you! I can beat you any day of the week!!"

"Oh yeah? Why don't you prove it at the dojo?" he challenged.

"Fine!" she crossed her arms and turned away.

"Oh, by the way, you were supposed to meet Izuru there 3 hours ago; he's still there."

"What?! OhmiGod! Gotta go!!" she sped off.

"Hey, wait! What about that bet?!" screamed Hisagi as he chased after her.

"What?! W-wait!! Matsumoto-sensei, what about… the… bill…" She ran after them a few feet before giving up, and slumped over. Suddenly she felt a sharp tug on her hair.

"Ow! What the…?!" she whipped around and faced a yound woman.

"Hey! Did they just stiff you?!" she demanded. She was tall and thin with black hair up in a bob, large black eyes, and a set face.

"Um, n-no…" Ester could just stare in alarmed shock at the girl. 'She seems so normal…! What's the catch?'

"What d'you mean 'no'?! They ran out on the bill didn't they?"

"Actually, well, me and my sensei were eating when this guy showed up and they started arguing, and then there was talk of a fight and then they ran, so yeah I guess they did…"

"Fine; I guess I'll have to pay." she sighed. "But only because you have broke written all over you."

'That's right; I don't have a cent!' she drooped. The girl reached in her robe and pulled out a white coin purse in the shape of a bunny- head.

"What?" she said, eyeing the puzzled look on her face.

"Um, a bunny…"

"What?! So I like bunnies, what's wrong with that?!" she flushed.

"Oh, nothing! I like bunnies, too." she smiled. Thankfully, the other girl smiled back.

After she helped her finish the meal, paid the bill, and she pointed the way to the dojo, it was time to part.

"Thank you for everything, miss…"

"Oh, sorry! I forgot. My name is Kuchki Rukia. I'm from 13th division."

"I'm Ester, from 10th (I guess). You're not a so-taicho, too? Ah, no. Even thought that position is empty, we keep it open because, well…" She held her arm and looked toward the woods, suddenly quiet and gloomy.

"I-I'm sorry! If something's wrong I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no! That's alright, you didn't know. Anyway, you didn't know. It was a pleasure."

"Me, too!"

They bowed and went their separate ways.

* * *

_Well, that's finally over. My back hurts… Thanks! __**(Review or the wrath of Satan and all of his minions shall come upon you!!!)**_

_By the way, after next chapter, I'll have to take another hiatus. I ran out of chapters (I only wrote up to a certain point *sweatdrop*). Sorry! But don't worry; this ADD is good for something!! I can never stop thinking. I'll have new chapters in my notebook before you know it!_


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